i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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