How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
