so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
