Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
