U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
