I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
How does it feel to date your dad?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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