my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize