First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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