He uses pillows to masturbate.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
