Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.