You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
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Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
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What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.