Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.