Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO