that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?