I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.