not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
