lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
