She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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