guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
