On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
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I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
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Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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