You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
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I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
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Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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