So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
