im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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