my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
it was like eating out sand paper
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
