he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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