you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
