If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
