drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
PS: I just woke up from my shower
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
