dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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