I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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