I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
