shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
