somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
where are my pants?
in the oven.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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