i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
