Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She said her name was "party"
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
