oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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