You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize