wat bout pragnant strippers??
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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