We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I have already put on my inside pants.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
