In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
