You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
