Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You had me at "let me see your balls"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize