Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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