Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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