Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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