He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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