I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
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