I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Randomize
