it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
