I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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