I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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