omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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