my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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