so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
