I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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