Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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