If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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