I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
