stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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