You can't special order awesome
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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