he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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