Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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