Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
