guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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