I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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