worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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