Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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