I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
