I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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