Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
