so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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