i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
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When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
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You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
why is half of my head shaved?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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