She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
