whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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