don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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