I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
