Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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