batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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