don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
