It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
