I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
