yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
In the future we'll all be gay
I think I am morally bankrupt
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
