I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
