I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i barfeds in our rink
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP