Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
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Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
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so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.