Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
