I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
